Fighting the Mind

So I got my legs back. I entered Expert (as a result of some helpful encouragement) for the first time this past Saturday in Winter Park, not completely knowing what to expect. It was a really great course with some challenging, wet roots that kept me honest. I totally blew the start, thinking there was a few minute gap between the Pro and Expert starts. I was gawking off, not ready and was at the back of the pack off the line. Luckily, I was able to find some power and grab a podium spot in my age group and 4th overall.

I felt pretty good about my race. I made some mistakes descending some muddy switchbacks that cost me and I need more power on the flats, but I climbed very well. I left WP motivated for the upcoming week and excited that I didn't come in LAST :)

OK, motivated, feeling good. Now onto:

7AM this morning. I was at Carter Park in Breckenridge. A little tired mentally and emotionally, but decently motivated to ride the Breck 68 course as a training ride. I began climbing the rocky, rooted switchbacks and my legs felt great. The morning was crisp and cool and wildflowers were everywhere along the trail. I met a few runners and hikers, exchanged a few greetings and kept climbing. I continued on and came to Sally Barber Mine and started to feel something I really haven't dealt with while on my bike. Boredom. Yep. I was suddenly unmotivated for no real reason. I wasn't feeling physically fatigued, in fact, I felt like pushing harder. But I really didn't care if I turned the crank one more time. And my new chain was slipping so much, I was becoming annoyed.

In a matter of an hour, I had gone from wanting to ride 68 miles to wanting to get off my bike and, honestly, take a nap in the sun. I continued on riding and my attitude got worse. What the hell was going on? I had been looking forward to some solitude and exploring trails and roads I had never ridden before. I wasn't even noticing the beauty of Breck that was surrounding me as I rode along, head down, literally fighting the urge to quit the ride and head back the way I came. This was work. And not a bit of fun. Ugh!

I pushed on...and on...and on. I had previously ridden and loved the CT section of the course last summer, but really didn't enjoy it today and soon I found myself just trying to get this loop done. I went deeper and deeper into my head and as I got back to Carter Park, I was done. Boreas Pass did not interest me in any way today, despite the fact I have been itching to ride Gold Dust Trail since last summer.

Bored with my bike? WTF??? Sure it has happened on local trails I have ridden thousands of times, but totally uncharacteristic when I have driven an hour to ride new trail.

So what's going on? Well, here is my 5 cent self-psychoanalysis:

Intensity and passion are two attributes of which I posess more than my fair share. Starting as a child, I set and fervently pursued goals, and still today, I generally use my innate, intense passion to drive me beyond my perceived limits in a healthy and productive way. But somedays, namely today, my mind was just needing a break. I just want things too damn much sometimes...

So, of course, tonight I am persecuting myself in the back of my mind for wasting a good CTR training opportunity. But, in an effort to continually manage two powerful attributes, I am also thinking of these words:

"To combat oneself is the most difficult of wars; to defeat oneself is the most beautiful of victories"

                                                                                                                  -Friedrich von Logan

Ahh, some days the war is easier than others...and today was a tough battle with the mind.

Veteran cyclists out there: thoughts? advice?